Out of My Head
by SFGrl
Summary: A near-fatal car accident throws Chandler into a coma, and into several different realities. But it’s the one he wakes up to, 3 years later, that may be the most devastating.
1. The Day Monica Died

Title: Out of My Head

Genre: Angst/Romance/Supernatural

Timeline: Seasons 9/10

Pairings: C/M, Ra/Rs, Ra/J, C/Ra, M/OC, etc.

Summary: A near-fatal car accident throws Chandler into a coma, and into several different realities.  But it's the one he wakes up to, 3 years later, that may be the most devastating.

Rating: PG-13, strong language.

AN: This one will be worked on slowly but surely…I hope to update soon, but no promises.

©2003 SFGrl

One

"Tell me again why we have to spend the _entire_ day with your parents?" Chandler sighed, as he and Monica sauntered out of their bedroom.

"Sweetie, I know that this is the last thing you want to do on your day off—believe me, I'm not looking forward to an entire day of condescending insults—but I promised my Dad we'd come out and see their new place before the holidays…and since Thanksgiving is in five weeks…"

"Yeah, yeah," Chandler waved his hand in defeat, and collapsed onto the sofa, "Can we at least be a little late?"

"No way, Ross and Rachel are going too, and there's no way they are beating us there!" Monica put her hands on her hips, her eyes lighting up with competitive energy.

Chandler laughed, and stood up reluctantly.

"Hon, I thought you were ovulating today?" he announced with a mischievous wink.

Monica walked into the kitchen, and ran her finger down the calendar slowly.  She started, and looked up at Chandler, her eyes wild.

"How did I miss that?  Come on, we have _ten minutes_," she yelled, and darted toward the bedroom.

"That was…inspiring," Chandler grinned, eight-and-a-half minutes later.

"No time for that," Monica jumped out of bed, and threw Chandler's pants at him.

"Honey, we have _plenty_ of time," Chandler sighed, but stood anyway.

"C'mon, we gotta go," Monica yanked her dress over her head, and readjusted her hair hastily.  She was out of the bedroom before Chandler could buckle his belt.

He shook his head, and smiled ruefully.  He knew what he was getting into when he married Monica, but sometimes her competitiveness was just out of control.  He realized that it came out more with Ross than with anyone else, and he had to laugh at that.  Since he never had any siblings himself, he secretly found comfort in the strange, intense sibling rivalry that still existed between the Gellers.

"Bing, move your ass!" 

Chandler jumped, and grabbed his coat, his small smile growing into a sarcastic grin.

"Yes, dear," he bellowed, earning a death-stare from his loving wife.

*

"Honey, slow down, we don't have to be there for another twenty minutes," Chandler had a death-grip on the armrest, his eyes wide, as Monica expertly weaved her way through traffic.

"Ross will be early, so _actually_, we have ten minutes," Monica countered, and shifted gears aggressively.

Chandler sighed, and turned back to the road, swallowing hard.

"Maybe I should drive," he said quietly.

"Do you have something against my driving?" Monica glared at Chandler, and he involuntarily sank down into his seat.

"N-no, sweetie, I loooove the way you drive," Chandler smiled, and broke eye contact with Monica to look back out onto the highway.

"Monica, look out!"

**

"Doctor, he's waking up."

"Mr. Bing?  Mr. Bing, can you hear me?"

Chandler groaned, and opened his eyes slowly, as the last remnants of darkness fell away.  He was immediately aware of the sharp pain in his leg and chest, and the slightly duller, throbbing pain in his head.  As his eyes began to focus, he noted that he was in a stark hospital room, with two strangers standing over him, concern lighting their eyes.

"Mr. Bing?"

"Mmmph," was all he could manage, as one of the strangers (presumably a doctor) began examining him.  The doctor then stepped back, and looked at the other person.

"He seems to be okay.  We should go tell the family he's awake."

Family?  Immediately, Chandler's thoughts went to Monica, but as he whispered her name, he saw the strangers leave the room, deeply engrossed in a hushed conversation.

Monica.  Where was she?  Was she all right?  He rubbed his temple, struggling to recall the events that'd led him here.  He remembered being in the Porsche…but could recall little else.  The door to his room opened, and a teary-eyed Rachel walked in, followed by Ross, Joey and Phoebe.

Where was Monica?

"Chandler, you're awake, thank God, you're awake," Rachel cried, and hugged him gingerly.

"Wh-where's Monica?" he whispered, and Rachel pulled away quickly.

"Th-they didn't tell you?" Rachel whispered, and a fat tear slid down her face.

"Where is she?" Chandler demanded, his voice slightly above a whisper.  He looked at Ross, who was looking at the floor.  

"Ross?" Chandler whispered, a thick dread filling him.

Ross looked up, and Chandler knew, before Ross uttered a word.

"Sh-she didn't survive the crash, Chandler."

**

The days following Chandler's awakening passed in a bitter, blinding blur.  Chandler was released from the hospital three days later, but the prospect of facing the outside world without the one person that made his world better was nearly too much for him to bear.  Angry, sad, bitter and hurting, Chandler tried desperately to push his friends away.  But they refused to yield, both out of genuine concern for his welfare, and out of a selfish need to cling onto Everything Monica.

One Week Later

Chandler leaned heavily on his crutches, while trying unsuccessfully to tie his tie in front of the living room mirror.  Frustrated with his inability to concentrate on something as mundane as a knot, he yanked the tie off of his shirt, and threw it to the ground.  He took a deep breath, and looked down at the tie, now lying in a crumpled heap at his feet.

The tie was plain silk, and a deep, rich blue.  It was Monica's favorite tie on him, because, she said, it brought out his eyes.  She'd seen the tie while birthday shopping for Rachel's birthday three years ago, and hadbought it for him.  She'd given it to him that night, and he had freaked out, because he thought he had forgotten some sacred anniversary of some random event in their relationship…

_"Um, wow, Mon…Happy…anniversary…um, your gift isn't ready yet," Chandler stuttered, as he backed away from Monica, while gripping the tie tightly._

_"Anniversary?" Monica mock-yelled, and stared at Chandler pointedly, "which anniversary is this?"_

_"The uh…anniversary of the day we…erm…moved in together?" Chandler shrugged, and a sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead._

_Monica laughed, and shook her head, before walking toward Chandler, and wrapping her arms around his neck slowly._

_"Nope," she whispered, and smiled, "I just bought it…because it reminded me of you.  That's all," Monica giggled again, and Chandler visibly relaxed._

_"So, I don't have to sleep on the couch tonight then?" he asked timidly._

_Monica grabbed the tie, and slid it through her fingers seductively._

_"Not if I have anything to say about it," she winked._

"Hey, Chandler," Rachel said quietly, as she walked into the apartment, her knee-length black dress fluttering slightly as she walked toward him, "why's your tie on the floor?"

Chandler looked up at Rachel, tears lining his red-threaded eyes.

"It's her favorite tie," he croaked, breaking down only when Rachel pulled him into a tight embrace.

*

Chandler hobbled toward the waiting limousine, and Joey and Ross helped him get inside.  He spared a look back across the cemetery, reconfirming his first instinct—there was no way he could watch Monica being lowered into the ground.

The service had been excruciating, and Chandler wanted nothing more than to go home, curl up in the bed he had once shared with his wife, and pretend that none of this had ever happened.

Because none of this seemed…real.

Chandler looked at his hands, as Ross and Joey piled into the limo.

"Rachel and Phoebe are going to ride with my parents," Ross said quietly, though it was clear to him that Chandler wasn't listening.

"It should have been me," Chandler muttered, after a long minute.

"What?" Joey asked, looking over at his best friend.

Chandler looked at Joey, and then at Ross.

"It should have been me," he said louder, a tear slipping down his cheek, "look at all the people she left behind!  Look at all the people—" Chandler's voice hitched, and he looked out the tinted window sadly, "look at all the people who love her," he finished softly.

"Don't you think we'd all be here, feeling the same way if it had been you?" Joey challenged crossly, "Don't you think all of these people woulda been here?"

Chandler shook his head, and sniffled, "Never mind," he said distantly.

"Monica woulda been here…she woulda been sitting right where you are, probably telling Phoebe and Rachel the same thing…she woulda been hurting the way you're hurting Chandler.  She loved you, so much."

Chandler nodded, and sat back in the seat, as tears ran freely down his face.

"I know," he finally whispered, "I know."

The limo began moving, and Chandler stole another glance out of the window, at the grave where his wife now lay.

"This isn't real," he whispered, "it can't be real."

It was the last thing he remembered.


	2. The Day Joey Walked Away

Title: Out of My Head

Genre: Angst/Romance/Supernatural

Timeline: Seasons 9/10

Pairings: C/M, Ra/Rs, Ra/J, C/Ra, M/OC, etc.

Summary: A near-fatal car accident throws Chandler into a coma, and into several different realities.  But it's the one he wakes up to, 3 years later, that may be the most devastating.

Rating: PG-13, strong language.

_AN: Well, I suppose the question had to be asked eventually…why do I always torture Chandler?  Why not Joey?  Or Rachel?  Or Ross?_

_I torture Chandler, because I relate to his character better than any other.  It's not that I don't like the others (actually, I'm not all that fond of Rachel or Ross, but I doubt you all care about that!) it's that as the writer, I project more of myself on the character that I feel the closest connection to.  _

_Perhaps as a writer, I should challenge myself, and torture someone new.  Perhaps I should stop torturing people all together.  Perhaps I should stop writing fics and do my job.  Will any of these things ever happen?  Maybe.  Will I post this chapter before the end of time?  Nope.  Should I shut up now?  Yep._

_Thank you so much for reviewing, and for asking the questions I should be asking myself…_

_Wow, that is one looooong AN!_

Two

"Doctor, he's waking up."

"Mr. Bing?  Mr. Bing, can you hear me?"

Chandler groaned, and opened his eyes slowly, as the last remnants of darkness fell away.  He was immediately aware of the sharp pain in his leg and chest, and the slightly duller, throbbing pain in his head.  As his eyes began to focus, he noted that he was in a stark hospital room, with two strangers standing over him, concern lighting their eyes.

"Mr. Bing?"

"Mmmph," was all he could manage, as one of the strangers (presumably a doctor) began examining him.  The doctor then stepped back, and looked at the other person.

"He seems to be okay.  We should go tell his friends that he's awake."

Chandler watched the strangers walk out of the room, and then closed his weary eyes.  He struggled to recall what had happened to him, but everything seemed to be fuzzy.  He took a deep breath, and heard the door to his room open.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and smiled slightly at the concern that lit the faces of his closest friends: Ross, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe, Monica, Richard…

Richard?

_What the hell?_

"Chandler…how are you feeling, sweetie?" Monica smiled warmly and approached Chandler's bed, but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Richard.

_Why was he here?_

"Chandler…do you remember what happened?" Ross asked gently, his eyes filled with concern for his friend.

"N-no," Chandler finally stuttered, "I…can't seem to remember much of anything, though…"

Ross brow furrowed, and he bit his bottom lip nervously.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Chandler opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly, he couldn't recall the distinct memory that had floated into his head.  He looked up at Monica, and felt a chill run through him.

And he was struggling to remember why he had been questioning Richard's presence.

"Y-you were hit by a car," Monica frowned, "just after Ross and Rachel's wedding."

"Ross and Rachel got married?" Chandler asked, and looked over at Ross again.  Rachel approached the bed, and took Ross' hand in hers.

"I don't remember them getting back together," Chandler muttered softly.

"I don't remember us breaking up," Rachel laughed.

Chandler's head shot up, shock lining his eyes.

"Y-you didn't…what about the copy-machine girl?"

"The who?" Ross and Rachel said simultaneously.

"Then you didn't…so Ross never married Emily…"

"Who the hell is Emily?" Rachel arched her eyebrow, and Ross shrugged.

"And London never happened," Chandler whispered despondently, this time looking directly at Monica.

"I-I've never been to London," Monica replied softly, "A-and as far as I know, neither have you."

Chandler felt a sharp pain course through him, and he closed his eyes, until the pain subsided.  Opening his eyes again, he swallowed hard, and nodded silently.

"That must have been one hell of a dream," Ross laughed nervously, trying desperately to break the tension that that formed.

"So…if he's okay, then…we're gonna go," Joey announced suddenly, and he and Phoebe turned to leave.

"Wait, Joe!" Chandler sat up straighter, and strained his neck to look across the room at his best friend, "I…I didn't even get a chance to talk to you."

Joey spun around, his eyes dark, and his mouth set in a tight line.  He took one step forward, and folded his arms across his chest stiffly.

"What makes you think I want to talk to you?" he said coldly.

"Joey—" 

"We have to go," Joey interrupted, and stormed out of the room, with Phoebe on his heels.

Chandler blinked slowly, then looked up at his friends—the friends he had left.

"You don't remember, do you?" Monica asked gravely.

"Remember…what?" Chandler asked shakily, "What did I do to him?"

"Don't you remember Kathy?" Ross asked slowly.

"Kathy…" Chandler repeated distantly.

"You were seeing her…behind Joey's back…for over a month.  He walked in on you guys…um…doing it," Ross winced uncomfortably.

"Oh my God," Chandler put his face in his hands.

"We thought he might have forgiven you…because he came with us to the hospital…but I guess…" Rachel sighed.

"We don't see much of him or Phoebe anymore," Monica added, and Chandler was sure that he could hear a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"I…what do I do?" Chandler looked up at Ross hopefully.

"I…I don't know, man.  I mean, you've apologized about a thousand times.  You even broke up with Kathy for him.  But…I dunno," Ross sighed.

Chandler nodded, and swallowed down a lump in his throat.

"I have to do something," he said quietly, "this…this isn't right."

Two Weeks Later

He'd just finished leaving what must have been the 80th message on Joey's machine when he heard a knock at the door.  He gathered his crutches and made his way to the front door.

He opened it to reveal a very annoyed-looking former best friend.

"Joey, hey," Chandler smiled brightly, and hopped back to let Joey into the apartment.

"I'm not staying, I just came by to tell you to stop calling me.  And to find out who gave you my new phone number," Joey said flatly.

"Joe, please, I just want to—"

"You aren't gonna tell me anything I haven't already heard from you, Chandler!" Joey yelled, and pounded his fist onto the countertop.

"The thing is, Joe, I don't remember anything I told you…I don't even remember doing any of this stuff—"

"Well that's pretty fucking convenient, don't you think?" Joey smiled sardonically.

"Joey, please—"

"You can't even tell me why you did it?  Why you saw fit to screw _my _girlfriend, just because you are too lame to get one of your own?  What was it, jealousy?"

"No!  I don't know!  Look, the only person I'm jealous of is Richard—" Chandler's eyes widened and his mouth clamped shut.  Joey's eyes widened as well, though he tried desperately to cover it with a look of indifference.

"Wh-what did I just say?" Chandler whispered hoarsely.

"That you're jealous of Richard," Joey replied flatly.

"Wh-why would I say that?"

"Maybe because you're in love with Monica?" Joey stated, as though it should have been totally obvious.

"But…I don't remember that," Chandler felt his head buzz, and he wavered slightly.  He felt Joey grab one of his elbows, and guide him to a chair.

"Dude, are you okay?" Joey asked, genuinely concerned.

"I…I don't know," Chandler whispered softly, "none of this seems right…none of it seems real to me.  I just…I don't understand…"

"Maybe you should go back to the hospital," Joey said cautiously.

"No!  No…I…it's just…I don't know," Chandler shook his head, and took a deep breath.  He looked up at Joey, tears lining his eyes.

"Joey, I'm sorry, I really am," Chandler said softly, "I wish I could remember why I did what I did…I can't imagine why I would ever risk our friendship like that.  It…it doesn't make sense to me.  I just…I'm so sorry."

Joey nodded silently, and turned to leave.  He turned back to Chandler, his expression still unreadable.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Joey asked slowly.

"Y-yeah," Chandler smiled slightly, and Joey nodded again.

"Okay.  See ya," Joey said, and walked out the door.

Chandler swallowed, and tried to suppress the growing feeling that he would never see Joey again.

Two Weeks Later

"Chandler?  Are you okay?" Chandler jolted, and looked at Monica, who was waving her hand at him in concern.

"Sorry," Chandler muttered, and looked back down at his food.

"Honey, I know that this thing with Joey is hard, but you have to eat sometime, okay?"

"How are things with Richard?" Chandler asked abruptly.

"Um…fine…I…why?" Monica stuttered.

"Just wondering," Chandler shrugged, and pushed some food around with his fork.

"What's this about?" Monica placed her hand over Chandler's, to stop him from moving his fork.  He looked up at her, his eyes dark and filled with sorrow.

"Are you happy with him?" Chandler asked softly.

"Y-yeah," Monica replied.

"Good," Chandler smiled sadly, and pulled away from Monica.

"Chandler—"

"You should be happy.  Everyone should be happy," Chandler interrupted.

"Are you happy?" Monica asked, as Chandler stood up.

"I don't really deserve to be, do I?  Not after everything you guys said I did to Joey—"

"Chandler, don't—"

"I know," Chandler sighed, "It's my own fault."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?  You were really in love with Kathy, and Joey had another girlfriend on the side!"

"Look Mon," Chandler stepped closer to Monica, and took her hand in his, "promise me that the minute you're unhappy with Richard, you'll break it off, and you'll call me, okay?"

"What?"

"Just…trust me," Chandler smiled sadly, and kissed Monica softly on the lips, before turning and walking out her front door.

"This isn't real," Monica muttered, her head spinning, "it can't be real."


End file.
